climb out of there

Loud and clear, I got a simple message today.

"When nothing's going right, go left."

Without fail, my life has taken another topsy turvy for the worse and I have been a horrible emotional rollercoaster for the last month, which escalated to the most excruciating stomach problems this week. But thank God, it's done, it's over, I am now a new butterfly.

My soul and my body communicate very effectively, leaving my ego out of the equation for most of it. Me and my earthly self go about life, trying to chase this illusion, finding ourselves to be in the most uncomfortable cramped spaces. I CAN'T FIT! is what I keep hearing my ego yell at me. I just cannot seem to find my place among what I see.

After a beautiful rain that has allowed me to ponder and relax (along with the stomach problems leaving), I have found my answer. AN INDIVIDUALLY FASHIONED LIFE. I don't mean to be the typical nerd who gives up when I can't fit in, but, it's how I feel. I am just Done. I spent so much of my life following, modeling, learning from others, and desiring. I thought the goal was to "live like" successful people and I would be successful. I cannot try to be someone else, and most of all, I have be OKAY WITH IT. Okay with letting go. Okay with moving into my own space and possibly losing everything I am afraid is holding me together. Structures, illusions, and outdated attachments. So now I know what that all means...

So, I say now, "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND". An individually fashioned lifestyle is what we all really need, but don't forget to help and be helped by your tribe because we get nowhere without a little help from our friends.

Just Friends

Take all of the small details of your face, mix it with my face, and this is the beautiful boy I can imagine in my future. My future is a boy who plays with legos, strums on a guitar, and tracks mud throughout the house. Take the small details of my body, mix it with your body, and that is the beautiful girl I imagine in my future. She does flips into the pool, makes spaghetti with grandma, and writes love letters to boys. These children run through my head. These children have names and beds. But we are only friends.

It wasn't your choice, for the dog to come home. It was my choice, for the kittens too. We are going on vacation, to a better place. Our house is being remodeled, I bought antiques and lace. We are just friends.